12/09/2018
HUFFPOST UK - LIFE (Online)
Why I Advocate 'Coming Out' About Your OCD
The opportunities I missed out on because I ran away rather than ask for help were building up and life really was starting to pass me by
Every now and again an issue or condition is thrust into the limelight and it seems that everyone is talking about it. At the moment that’s happening for OCD. Daily in the mainstream media there are now news stories that are about more than lining up items in straight lines or flicking light switches on and off. De-stigmatising mental health and increasing public understanding is always fantastic - but this time it’s personal.
I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 17 and had never talked about it outside of my immediate family. Mostly because I didn’t want to accept it was such a central part of my life but also because of the shame involved. The truth is, as wonderful as charities such as Time to Change, who work tirelessly to reduce the idea of stigma around mental illness are it’s still up to the individual to really feel ready to ‘come out’ as mentally ill. It’s become a cliche but a more tangible illness tends to evoke compassion in the average person whereas mental illness is such a slippery animal that responses can go from acceptance to the suggestion that it’s being ‘put on’ or ‘milked’. For me, the issues were shame and fear. I was ashamed that I didn’t have more control over my brain and I was terrified that I’d be considered defective, unloveable or unemployable. I didn’t want to put the information out there for future potential employers, partners or even friends to see. In the end it was unavoidable. The pressure I put on my partner and family by demanding they were the only people that could know was substantial and unfair. At the same time, the opportunities I missed out on because I ran away rather than ask for help were building up and life really was starting to pass me by.
So I wrote down how I was feeling, turned it into a play and headed up to the Edinburgh Fringe. On the first day I was uncomfortable trying to ‘sell’ the show to people. I felt the embarrassment creep back up on me.